Monday, January 18, 2010

Queen B Bar-B-Q and other cheap laffs...

When I started doing my radio show on WFMU around 1984 my pal Eddie Gorodetsky, comedy writer (Letterman, SNL, Fresh Prince, Will & Grace, et al), record collector (he compiled track listing on Dylan's No Directions Home: The Soundtrack, The Bootleg Series Vol. 7, in my opinion the best volume of the entire series, and co-produced with Los Lobos' Steve Berlin an excellent soul LP by Sterling Harrison-- South Of The Snooty Fox on Hacktone) and all around guy in the know helped me out getting together the sound bites to splice between songs. Nowadays a common radio formula, but I think me and Eddie pretty much invented it. One of the things he turned me on to were these Queen B Bar-B-Q spots, which for some reason I thought were made by ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons. It turns out they were done by a Texas DJ named "Harley David" Belew, but I think it was Gibbons who circulated the tapes. Anyway, there really is a Queen B Bar-B-Q down in Texas somewhere, although these radio spots aren't real, they are funny as hell. I've had many requests to post them, so here they are, Kogar sent in the three latest Queen B adds which I've added:
These next ads are real, I taped them on a boom box in Chicago one drunken morning in the late 70's from Big Bill Collins ("Big Bill In The Basement") incredible blues show which ran on WVON-AM, I love the way he says "shrimps" (srimps), and the way he pronounces "biscuits"(bith-cuts).
Big Bill- H&A Restaurant
Caller ID has killed the art of the crank phone call. Everyone has their favorites from the Tube Bar tapes which were parodied on the Simpsons to Sammy Petrillo's stuff which were issued on LP, but these, done by Afro-centric Lucius Tave really take the chitterlings. I don't know where he operated out of, somewhere down south, obviously, they are a riot:
Cheap laughs at other people's expense, one of my favorite things in the world. You're welcome.
Non-Disclaimer: Parents, your kids are gonna learn to curse anyway, you might as well teach 'em young and teach 'em right. In fact, if they're going to get anywhere in life from Hip Hop star to Wall Street player they're going to have to learn to use profane language. They might as well use it in a creative way. I remember an old guy from Brooklyn I used to work with when I was in my late teens, working in the vault of an armored car company on the corner of Houston and West Street, who we used to call Clean Gene. Clean Gene was the most creatively profane man I have ever met. Gloriously so. I wished I'd taped or written down everything he ever said. Once he got mad and told the boss to- "Suck the snotty end of my fuck stick". Man, was I impressed. Another good Clean Gene story: One morning he came into work and he looked awful, his face had taken on a slightly greenish tint. Word got around--Clean Gene has turned green! Finally, I asked, what's wrong Gene? Why are you green? His response was-- "I was eatin' this bitches' pussy last night, turns out she was a front wiper". (He made a motion showing that she wiped her ass from the back to the front, dragging the toilet paper across her vagina). "She had dingleberries in her pubic hair, I think I got a mouthful". I'm pretty sure that I too turned green. I assume Gene's gone by now, but here's to you Clean Gene, where ever you ended up. Moral of this story: Play Lucius Tave for your young 'uns. He's fun for all ages. And educational too.

19 comments:

Kogar the Swinging Ape said...

aren't there like 5 or 6 of the queen bee spots all together?

the chitlin pita supreme spot and the mecscan food are my favorites...

The Hound said...

"aren't there like 5 or 6 of the queen bee spots all together?"

I've only heard the first three, if anyone's got more, please send 'em via this site and I'll add them to this post.

fred said...

MLK day celebration?

Snake Oil said...

Sadly, like everything else these days, Lucias Tate is on the internet, spoiling the mystique. He's a white guy in Sulphur Springs, TX and his web site is here: http://www.luciustate.com/prank-phone-calls.htm

Jeffrey Reed said...

Here's a link the complete story behind the Queen Bee commercials with all the versions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LM6O81YG5u0

Kogar the Swinging Ape said...

"oooh, child, its better than frogs hurl!"

all the queen b's coming your way...

Tom said...

Thanks for the Queen Bee fix. This takes me back to my high school days listening to Steve and Garry on Chicago radio. They played these all the time.

Tom

Donna Lethal said...

Lucius immediately went to my 11 year old nephew, who I enlightened to the Tube Bar on my last visit. I was never prouder when he made me a card of Red, all by himself with the words "No wimmin come in here, we ain't got no pool room."

michael said...

Be careful Hound - I was under the impression that Manhattan's new owners (the Disney Corporation) and Mayor Bloomfield are about to go on a big anti-profanity campaign. Cursing by the natives is scaring the tourists at the 42nd St. shopping mall /theme park, and it is also keeping the yuppies away from their favorite upscale boutiques in SoHo.

In order to temper criticism from the very few people left in Manhattan who do not own $4,000,000 studio condos, Disney has announced that they are fully supporting plans for the new "Museum of Profanity" that is expected to be built on one of the piers down by the former meat-packing (now referred to as the Money-Packing) district. Funding is expected to largely come from various Homeland Security grants along with revenue from the summonses that inspectors will start issueing.

You think I'm kidding, but one day you're gonna open your front door and some hired sociopath in a Snow White costume is gonna break one of your kneecaps. Be careful - Disney plays rough !

Aaron said...

Queen Bee is in Corsicana, Tx, hometown of Lefty Frizzell. It's a fine place to go when you're hungry enough to eat the ass-end of a hobby horse.

Anonymous said...

Big Bill Collins' Chicago radio show was broadcast on WNIB-FM (or at least that's where I remember hearing it in the eighties). By 1979, WVON-AM was a little too slick to be hosting the likes of Big Bill.

The Hound said...

"Big Bill Collins' Chicago radio show was broadcast on WNIB-FM (or at least that's where I remember hearing it in the eighties). By 1979, WVON-AM was a little too slick to be hosting the likes of Big Bill."

I think I made the tape in '77 the first time I went to Chicago, at some point he does a station ID for WFON,
I remember the show was on around 3 AM or maybe later....

Donna Lethal said...

You'll be happy to know that via "Skype," Lucius made three kids in NJ very happy courtesy of The Hound and Auntie Donna Lethal in yesterday afternoon. There is still hope.

The Hound said...

"You'll be happy to know that via "Skype," Lucius made three kids in NJ very happy"

Cool, it'll make a great beginning to an episode of Law & Order Extra-Special Crispy Victims Unit.

Anonymous said...

Hound,
Thanks for all your great posts. I just got in the door from all week out in the wet west (San Diego) and wanted to share something before I dry myself off and listen to all the stuff you've attached.

I work in a shipyard, and one day about 20 years ago my then-boss, Tommy Tonucci called all his foreman into his office - he was the most pissed off I'd ever seen any man. With a butt in his mouth and smoke coming out his ears he screamed "those fuckin' fuckers fuckin' tried to fuckin' fuck me. Fuckin' fuck that fuckin' shit!" I left his office and wrote it down.

Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

You mean YOU were the source or those Big Bill Collins recordings?! I've been wondering for years if somebody had more of that stuff on tape. Love those ads.

The Hound said...

"You mean YOU were the source or those Big Bill Collins recordings?! I've been wondering for years if somebody had more of that stuff on tape. Love those ads."

I have a sixty minute tape from that night, I think there's a few more ads, and lots of funny banter in between a lot of obscure local blues records. I'd wished I'd taped more but I only had one cassette with me, and I was leaving town the next day.

homeboy steve said...

Long time listener, first time caller. Thanks for posting and linking keeping your old shows available.

Anonymous said...

"I've Been Told," as the infamous axiom goes, that none other than the ZZTopster in question above was the person behind these creations (“mockumercials”…?) which sure got a lot of spins in between tastes of the Frostbite 500 on Art Fraud & Vic Tripp’s wig flippin’ KCRW show back in the day. Guess maybe the spots expounding on the glories of “Irvine” and “Rambo’s Big Blood Bath” were the Real McCoy, too… - Boppin_Brian

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